He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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