just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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