I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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