I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm jealous of your bromance
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize