i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize