i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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