you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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