This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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