no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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