i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize