If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize