how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize