I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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