Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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