Need sex. Gaining weight.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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