That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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