you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You are a genius and a whore.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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