I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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