College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
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You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
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