you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize