i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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