Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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