That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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