You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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