you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im six kinds of drunk right now
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize