He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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