Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
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I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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