DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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