So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
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You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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