real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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