I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize