you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize