I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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