how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
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I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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