U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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