I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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