She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
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I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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