we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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