Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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