So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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