ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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