I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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