He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
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I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
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I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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