FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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