my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Everclear isn't food dammit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize