I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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