I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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