I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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