So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize