just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize